Which is better for your kids? Should you stay together for the sake of the kids, or have a good divorce and set positive role models for your kids?

The issue is whether or not divorced couples can raise children who fare better in life as adults than unhappy couples who stay together for the sake of the kids.

It is generally accepted that children learn both good and dysfunctional patterns and behavior from their parents. The question is what do kids learn from divorced parents and what do they learn from parents who sacrifice their own happiness for their children?

Professor Constance Ahrons did a 20-year longitudinal study. She interviewed the parents in person three times over five years and then she interviewed the adult children 20 years later. Her study showed that 80% of the children "come through divorce as emotionally healthy adults. And most all of the other research indicates that."
Source: Anderson Cooper 360 Interview

Elizabeth Marquardt's study involved a nationally representative telephone survey of 1,500 young adults. Half were from divorced families and half were from intact families. Her study has not been published in any scientific journal. Marquardt did not talk to the parents.
Source: Anderson Cooper 360 Interview

Elizabeth Marquardt, author of "Between Two Worlds": "Even a good divorce restructures children's childhoods and leaves them traveling between two distinct worlds. It becomes their job, not their parents', to make sense of those two worlds."
Source: NY Times

Elizabeth Marquardt, author: "If you are in a low-conflict marriage, the idea of a good divorce is really very misleading. It makes you think that, so long as you divorce the right way, your children will be fine. It's simply not true."
Source: Anderson Cooper 360 Interview

Dr. Joshua Coleman, psychologist and author: "Contrary to the wisdom of pop psychology, it is not essential to your or your children's well-being for you to have a great marriage." Dr. Coleman counsels that imperfect harmony in a home allows each parent to love and care for the children full-time.
Source: "Imperfect Harmony"

Elizabeth Marquardt: "The good divorce is an adult-centered vision. ... No matter what the level of conflict, a divided family often requires children to confront a whole set of challenges that children in married-parent, intact families do not have to face."
Source: USA Today

Elizabeth Marquardt: "No matter how happy a face we put on it, the children of divorce are now saying, we've been kidding ourselves. An amicable divorce is better than a bitter one, but there is no such thing as a 'good' divorce."
Source: Washington Post

Elizabeth Marquardt: "While a 'good divorce' is better than a bad divorce, it is still not good. For no matter how amicable divorced parents might be and how much they each love and care for the child, their willingness to do these things does absolutely nothing to diminish the radical restructuring of the child's universe."
Source: Jane Eisner, Philadelphia Inquirer

• "One is that the parents get along sufficiently well that they can focus on their kids as parents and be parents."

• "And the other element is that children continue to have relationships with both parents."
  Source: Source: Anderson Cooper 360 Interview

Robert Emery, director of the Center for Children, Families and the Law at the University of Virginia: "While a great many young people from divorced families report painful memories and ongoing troubles regarding family relationships, the majority are psychologically normal."
Source: NY Times

Stephanie Coontz, historian and author: "There will always be couples who need divorces."
Source: NY Times

There appears to be quite a few studies that show that having unhappy parents creates unhappy kids.

Constance Ahrons, sociologist: "There is an accumulating body of knowledge based on many studies that show only minor differences between children of divorce and those from intact families, and that the great majority of children with divorced parents reach adulthood to lead reasonably fulfilling lives."
Source: USA Today

Carolyn Usher, publications director at British Columbia Council for Families in Vancouver: "It's not divorce per se that causes all the damage. Children can usually cope with separation and adapt to new living arrangements. It's the ongoing high level of conflict that hurts them."
Source: Todays Parent